its been almost a year now.
and i wish i could say i have changed.

i look different, have better friends, and more confidence.
but i still am balancing family and the show and try not to diappoint anyone. and i am still trying to get all the my grades up before the finish.

i have fallen in love, been broken, been abandoned, and relapsed way more than i would like to remember.

i laughed and became who i was.

i got close to people who mattered.

i grew in faith, in opinions, and three inches.

but somehow, after all that, i still feel like the same emily. the one that manipulated her mother and talked about evryone behind their back because she still wanted to loose three sizes. who didn't really have a problem with dying, and didn't know that was a problem. who wore too tight shirts and black and white nail polish. who broke the law on church retreats. who tried to be tough, but was more fragile than anyone imagined. who was terrified of getting food in her braces. who's legs were cut up and then everyone knew why. who did everything for everyone because she couldn't stand to be alone...

i am surronded by beauty, but i feel so blind.


i've been standing for 7 months now, and i still feel like the emily who was afraid of herself.

what has happened here?


i still break easily